I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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