you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
