a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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