New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
