the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
