the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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