I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
