READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
