Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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