if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
