I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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