Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
