I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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