he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
