When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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