the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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