community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
