WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
