Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
