Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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