I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
