Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
