bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
