I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
