i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
