Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
