You're so nebulous sometimes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
