you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
