If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
