I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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