That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
