My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
