She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
