I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
