I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
