Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
