I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
