i just had sex bonerless
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
