I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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