did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
