Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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