he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
