You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
