I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize