Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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