there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
