i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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