she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
