Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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