my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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