I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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