i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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