dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
