it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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