So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
