Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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