Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
