We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
