So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
