Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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