when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
