He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
