I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
being pregnant is like rehab
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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