Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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