That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
