Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
