Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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