All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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