This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
