You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
